Rose rambles about unimportant feelings

Ugh it just really sucks to be the kind of person that gets super attached to people super easily and then having to stop talking to them or watching them abandon you like you were nothing to them.

especially because it takes you like 3 years to get over them lmao

But like... I had this friend and I'll call her Feet for privacy reasons (it was a joke with us...). Feet was my friend for a little over a year before I had to call it quits with her. We met online and at first it was a situation where she was a huge fan of my fanfiction and wanted to talk to me some more so she would always comment on the new chapters when I posted them and we would have some pretty funny conversations with each other. As we got closer we exchanged skypes with each other and eventually even phone numbers and home addresses. We used to send each other letters all the time, skype each other, and we texted each other every day. For the first few months everything was fine, y'know. We were both happy and we'd just grown so attached to each other and she was one of my best friends. But after a while she just became... Emotionally abusive towards me. It started with little things like her picking fights with me over silly things or telling me that she was jealous of my other friends that I was closer to, but eventually it got to the point where she started making me feel guilty for having other friends at all, I could never talk to her about my sleepovers or parties or the roleplays I was doing with other people because it would make her upset. She literally picked a fight with me every chance she got and she could never let anything go. When we would fight she'd bring up something completely irrelevant that I thought we had solved WEEKS ago and hold it against me. She'd get mad at me for not staying up chatting with her until 2:00 AM during the summer. And then she'd try to twist all of this shit around and make me feel like it was my fault. And eventually I just couldn't take it anymore so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her anymore, and I don't.

The thing is, she was such a staple in my life before that it's hard to get on without her? I don't have that good morning text from her anymore. I can't talk to her all day like I used to. She was the person that I always had random conversations about anything with and I would talk to her when I was upset and I'd tell her all my fanfic ideas and I created these three OCs with her that I can't even look at anymore much less use in anything because they make me think of her. We had the best rps and she helped me come up with so many headcanons that are now completely part of the way I portray the characters I rp but I feel guilty for using them now that she's gone. I can't watch Tokyo Ghoul because Nishki was her favorite character and whenever I see him I think of her. 

I don't miss her, per se, but I miss the relationship that we had minus the fighting and I wish I had someone like her to talk to again.

and like it's the same thing with this guy I had/have a crush on... I'll call him Cas for now. But he was the first person I've ever been full on in love with? I mean I LOVED him, and I'd never say that if I didn't mean it. Idk I'm not gonna go into detail bc i don't want to sound like some hormone-crazed stupid sappy teenage girl, but he seemed so perfect to me. He was literally everything that I wanted in a boyfriend. It was like someone had reached into my mind and pulled the perfect boyfriend out of it for me. He even looked like what I had imagined. He used to flirt with me, too. Like we had a mutual crush on each other even though I said I wasn't ready for a relationship yet (mostly because I wasn't sure that I actually loved him at that time and plus I hadn't told my mum about him yet) but one day out of the blue he gets a girlfriend, another girl that I knew, and he never even told me that he liked her ?? but suddenly it was like "Oh Rose I'm so sorry but I'm in love with this other girl" and it kind of just felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart. and we used to be so close. Again we talked to each other every day about the randomest and stupidest things and he used to say cute things like "I ship you with myself" and I always felt so happy around him. But then he broke up with his girlfriend and a short while after that he started losing all interest in me. He just never replied to me and never made an effort to talk to me first and when he did talk to me his replies were always really short and he'd stop talking to me pretty quickly and I felt like he didn't want me around. I confronted him about this twice and he gave me the exact same speech both times like "Oh no Rose I'm such an idiot I'm so sorry no you're not doing anything wrong I really do want you around it's not you it's me I'll do better I'm sorry" and he'd make an effort for a week and then go back to acting like I don't exist. And then he got a boyfriend. And after he told me he had a boyfriend he went back to ignoring me again. 

I haven't spoken to him in over 2 weeks and I unfollowed him on all social media we shared because it was just hurting me to see him anymore and he hasn't tried to contact me at all lmao he probably never will. But it just sucks so much bc I can't watch Supernatural without thinking of him because he's the one who got me into it and I can't listen to songs by Secondhand Serenade because we decided that it was the official band for our FrUK rps and I have this Supernatural/Hetalia fruk fanfiction idea thingie that he said he was gonna RP with me so I'd have filler for my plot and now i don't have an rp partner and I don't even want to write the fic because it was supposed to be a collab between the two of us...

I'm just so upset and angry right now so many things have been ruined for me because people are fucking jerks and it's going to take me 3 years to forget about them and i hate getting these random sad attacks because something that I enjoy reminds me of people that don't care about me. It fucking hurts a lot and i want it to go away.

i'm sorry for being a whiny teenage girl if you made it to the end of this then thank you so much and I love you a lot. 
i'm gonna go do some stuff now idk